hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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