We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
sex in a hospital.. check
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
