Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
