Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
