hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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