This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When are your genitals available?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
