ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
