I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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