you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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