"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
