we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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