Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so explain again why im purple
no
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
