Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
