I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
