it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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