The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
