Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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