you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
