I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
