Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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