I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
