Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
