In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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