Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
