i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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