Kiss
Puke
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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