My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
