he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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