she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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