Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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