This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
