even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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