I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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