i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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