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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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