i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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