I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
