I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
