i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
