If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
