I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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