You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
