if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
