every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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