In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
