why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
