How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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