I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
