Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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