I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
