i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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