24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
