she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
